Snow White - The Shady Version
by hellointernet
Summary: Shinra decides to do a play but gathers all the wrong people. Izaya is adopted, Shizuo crossdresses and Tom is a dwarf.


_A oneshot that I was working on... instead of continuing my other stories. Really random and probably a bunch of mistakes. You should probably just go with the flow... And I tried to keep them in character but they might be just weird. Especially Shinra. But I'm trying, especially with school work. Ugh. _

* * *

"Lights? Check. Alright, guys, action!"

Silence.

"Guys? We're starting. Does everyone know their parts?" the doctor called out.

'Shinra, how are they supposed to know their parts if you just suddenly start a play now?'

'_This is really the worst idea Shinra has ever had,'_ Celty thought in her head. _'To gather them in here like this, in our own apartment, nonetheless. It's going to be destroyed. At least the living room is pretty free of furniture.'_

"But Celty, dear, that's the point of it! This is an impromptu play. We'll be doing a lot of ad-libbing and improvisation. It'll be a play like no other!"

'_Yes, because you got _everyone_ to be here.'_ She shuddered at the thought of Shizuo and Izaya doing a play together. Not to mention the general awkwardness of Simon being here and promoting his sushi. At least, Shizuo and Izaya won't fight. As much. Maybe.

"It'll be awesome. Just trust me."

Which was kind of hard to do when said person's friend was a sly, manipulative informant who did who-knows-what behind the scenes and the other's a monstrous-strength-possessing big ball of contradiction with anger issues. Not to mention the love of his life was a supernatural being.

But then she was said supernatural being (and without a head to boot), so what say did she have in this?

"So, let's see the roles assigned. No complaining about them," Shinra warned. "I, of course, am the narrator-slash-director. Whatever they say, goes, right?"

He was ignored by the majority. They were too busy being captivated by the soon-to-break-out-into-a-fight scene between his two friends.

"Why the fuck are you here, flea?"

"Nii-san, language," Kasuka scolded softly, attempting to reign him in. He was ignored this time.

"Now, Shizu-chan, don't be mean. I was invited, of course! Just ask – "

"Who would invite _you_?"

"Ouch, that hurt, Shizu-chan. Went straight into my little, black heart. Right here," the dark haired pointed at his chest.

"Now, now. Shizuo, yes, I did invite him. And Izaya, what did I say about hearts? They're red and beating. If they're little and black, you'd be having heart problems," the bespectacled man chided.

"Shi-zu-o and I-za-ya no fight. Eat sushi. Sushi good," Simon boomed from behind them, holding them by their shirts as if he was handling two cats.

"Ha ha! Iza-nii looks so – bwhahaha!" Mairu burst out laughing, unable to hold it anymore. Seeing your brother being scolded like a little child was the funniest thing ever.

The older brother glared at them. "Shut it, you two."

Kurui managed a little snort of laughter. She tugged on her twin's sleeve. "Yuhei – bro."

"Ah yeah! Shizuo-chan's brother's here! Oh my God!"

"Ah, no. You guys shouldn't attack him like that," Tom grabbed both girls' jumpers to hold them back.

"Oh look, you have fans," Ruri noted to her boyfriend, her tone blunt to the point.

"Um, Shinra-san?" Mikado voiced.

"Yeah?!" the man immediately turned, making his lab coat flare.

"Why exactly are we doing this?"

"Doing what? There's a lot of things we're doing right now. For example, talking, in which case, the reason is, you started the conversation! If you meant standing around, then – "

The boy interrupted, "I meant the play. Why exactly are we doing a play suddenly out of nowhere?"

"That is a very good question, Mikado-kun!" the doctor grinned. "Simply put, it's mainly because my lovely Celty doesn't get enough screen time."

'_Uh, I'm pretty sure she gets the most screen time out of all of us. She's a recurring character after all…,'_ the high schooler thought to himself.

"Well," Shinra clarified. "I mean that she doesn't get enough screen time with her helmet off. If everyone saw her shadows, they'd be hounding after her. And I can't have that! She's my dear Celty after all! And so, I have made this brilliant – "

"Dumb," Izaya cough-spoke.

" – plan so that Celty can take off the helmet and show the world her – er, neck. And the shadows? But she can take off her helmet! Isn't that fantastic?!"

'_Pretty sure her helmet was knocked off numerous times and she used her shadows a lot in various scenes already.' _

The eccentric man paused. "Is there a blush for shadows?"

'Shinra, whether there's cosmetics for dullahans is not the issue here. What are we going to do about everyone here?' Celty laid a hand on his shoulder, reminding him of the original goal.

"Oh right! I have the casting list right here."

'_The casting wasn't really what I meant,'_ the headless rider thought to herself.

"Let's see. Celty is, of course, the Magic Mirror. That way, she can show off here lovely – er, neck and no one will think that's strange because, you know, the Magic Mirror _is_ strange and the audience will think it's all special effects! Isn't that wonderful? I can just see her in a beautiful dress, saying 'Oh, my Queen, you – "

"What about the others? What parts are we playing?" Namie huffed, glaring at the girl who snuggled way too closely to her brother. However, if Seiji didn't mind, then she had no right to interfere.

"Oh! I have Sonohara, Ryugamine, Masaomi, Tom-san, Ruri, Mairu and Kairu as the Seven Dwarfs. Kasuka is the Prince, Izaya is Snow White, Shizuo is as the Huntsman – "

'_What… why does a known actress have such a small part? Shouldn't she be Snow White? Especially if she and Shizuo's brother are a couple and Kasuka is the Prince…' _the headless rider was puzzled.

"A dwarf… that's interesting," Ruri didn't seem to mind. "You got the role of a prince again, huh?"

"Ah, yes. I suppose that role has become second nature to me by now," Kasuka replied. He seemed a bit disappointed, though that could be a trick of light.

"Hey, hey. How are these even chosen? I should be the prince!" Kida protested.

"Erm, I look forward to working with all of you as dwarves," Anri bowed to each 'dwarf'.

"Why the hell is the _flea_, out of all people, _Snow White_? _He_ should be the Evil Queen or something – with that stupid Magic Mirror who knows everything. Just like the idiot flea! Er, no offense, Celty," Shizuo tried to kick his rival. Sadly, Simon was smart and even the blond's long legs wouldn't reach the other's shins.

'None taken.' Really, a play about Shizuo trying to kick Izaya and vice versa might be more interesting than what they were going to do. Not that Celty was trying to encourage their fighting.

"Shizu-chan's just jealous because I get to play the princess while he's stuck as some old dude who works for an old maid," the informant stuck his tongue out childishly. He ignored the whisper of 'Hey, Iza-nii's going to be a princess! Isn't that hilarious?'

"But hey, at least as the Huntsman, I get to kill you right?"

The other squirmed indignantly, trying get his switchblade to reach. "No, you – "

"Shi-zu-o and I-za-ya. No fight. No violence." And with that, Simon knocked their heads together.

"Simon-san…" Kasuka trailed off.

'_What have we gotten ourselves into?'_ Anri grimaced to herself.

"Continuing on. Simon will be the Evil Queen. And I have Seiji and Mika as the King and the First Queen and Namie as the Poison Supplier!"

"Poison what?" said woman questioned, though she didn't sound that opposed to the title. She seemed more concerned with the casting of her brother and his girlfriend-slash-former-stalker.

"Poison Supplier! I kind of ran out of roles so I made up one!" Shinra clarified. Then he added. "Well, you could've been the co-director or vice-director – whatever it's called. But, really, there's no way I'm going to share the play credits with someone else. There can only be one director here."

"So I'm going to supply the Evil Queen with poison so 'she' can use it to kill Snow White?"

"Yup."

"And that Snow White is Izaya?"

"Correct."

If possible, her cool, hard face got even colder and expressionless. "Then I will gladly accept that role."

"Ouch, Namie. You wound with your words. I think my heart's blee – "

"Yes, yes. Your black, little, apparently-not-in-need-of-a-check-up heart," the doctor waved flippantly, peering intently at the paper in his hands.

Izaya gave him a flat stare, trying to look as displeased as one could when they were hanging from someone's hand like a bad-mannered kitten."Shinra, at least let me finish my sentence."

"Yes, yes. Sorry."

* * *

"Why can't we just go talk to him?!" Mairu whined. Kurui nodded in agreement beside her.

"Because," Tom sighed. He really didn't have any reason – just that Shizuo might get pissed at the sight of his brother being bothered by little buggers. "You're going to disturb the adults talking."

"They don't seem to be talking," the bespecatled twin pointed out, peeking around the redhaired.

"Uh…"

The expressionless couple seemed to take the hint, engaging themselves in small talk.

Tom turned back triumphly. "They're talking."

* * *

'Shinra, how exactly did you choose the casting?'

Because, really, there were far better choices than having _Izaya_ as Snow White. Not to mention, the danger of having Shizuo as the Huntsman. The whole apartment and all vending machines in vicinity were going to get destroyed. And Snow White will somehow miraculous be up and running before she even swallowed the piece of apple.

"Celty, how do you think?! Of course I did it in a sensible way."

The dullahan was quite doubtful because even if the man had a Ph.D in… well, come to think of it, he never got a degree, did he? 'Sensible' just wasn't in his dictionary.

He grinned. "I drew lots."

Of course. What else did she expect?

Celty voiced her thoughts (well, wrote it). 'First, that's a stupid way to decide anything. Second, shouldn't the casting be changed a little? If Shizuo is the Huntsman and Izaya is Snow White, there will be an actual murder happening, whether there's a Poison Supplier involved or not."

"Ah, I'm sure they'll be fine. I mean, Izaya survived for how long now? Eight years? And I think Shizuo's nice enou – wait, never mind. But they'll be fine," Shinra waved off the concern. "Besides, I think everyone wants to see Simon giving Izaya a poisoned apple. Or ootoro, in his case."

'Shinra…'

A moment passed as the couple stared at each other. Then, the bespectacled doctor almost pouted before sighing. "Fine, if you insist. Simon will be the Huntsman and Shizuo will be the Evil Queen. Only for you, my beloved Celty."

"Ha! Hear that Shizu-chan? You just turned into an old maid!"

"At least I still get to kill you. Right, Shinra?" Shizuo turned to his friend for confirmation.

"Er, not exactly. Izaya will get killed – "

"See, flea?"

" – but only for a short while. He gets revived back later on. Which is one that that bugs me about Snow White. She should already be poisoned and dead. Unless the prince had an antidote…," he trailed off, lost in his own medical thoughts.

"Hey, shall we just start then? The faster we get this done, the sooner we can get out of here. Come on, Shizuo. Play nice for a little while," Tom coaxed. "We have a job after this."

The blond grumbled.

"Alright. The people who aren't going to be on stage stands on this side." Shinra waved his hand towards the kitchen. "That'll be the right wing. And the side to the window is the left wing. You exit to the left, got it?"

"Um, Shinra-san? How – how are we going to fit in – " Anri started, breaking off in the middle. She looked away.

"You can sit on my lap, Anri-chan!" Kida declared.

"Kida," Mikado admonished.

The man gave them his best 'do I look like I care?' look. Celty smacked him in the head for being rude. "If you can't fit, just stand off to the side. Just don't be on the 'stage area'."

Everyone shuffled towards the area, settling themselves on some stools and whatever else space was available.

"Lights, ready, set. Action!"

* * *

"Ahem. Scene one. The King and First Queen, the not-evil one, are – wait no, according to my research, there really isn't a king featured in this. He was just mentioned," Shinra looked up from his phone. He gestured wildly to Celty. "Did you know this?"

'_He hasn't even properly researched the story, had he?'_

'Your mic is still on.' Why did they even need mics again? The room was small enough to hear each other without shouting.

"Oops. Eh, whatever. This is all about improv, right? So anyway, one day, as the Queen sat near a… what was it again?"

"A windowsill, Shinra," Izaya immediately supplied from his dainty perch on the kitchen counter. "I look pretty in a dress, ne Shizu-chan? Prettier than you anyway, according to the story." Shizuo, stuffed in a pink dress, was currently being restrained by Simon and Tom on the other end of the room.

"Die!"

"Purple's my color, right?"

"Why do we have to look at men in drag?" Kida muttered. "I rather look at you, Anri-chan!"

Where Shinra got these dresses from, they'd never know. Or want to know.

"Kida, keep it down," shushed his friend.

"Right, it was by the window. And so, as the Queen sat on her fat arse, she wished her soon-to-be born baby had hair as black as… er, black, skin white as – I'm guessing clouds because she's next to a window. And lips – wait no – Izaya has pretty chapped and unhealthy looking lips. Erm, let's just go with eyes as red as roses or whatever the Queen said."

"Is that my cue, Seiji-kun?" Mika giggled, hanging off her boyfriend's arm.

"I don't know." The younger Yagiri monotonously replied.

"Ehehe. I wish for a baby with Seiji-kun. With hair as brown as his and – "

"No, no, no. Mika-chan. It's black, white and red. Please use those colors," the doctor intervened from the sides, speaking through a megaphone. Never mind the fact that he already had a microphone attached to his shirt. And the room was already small enough.

Cekty hoped the neighbors won't complain.

"Eh, but Seiji-kun's hair nor eyes are black."

"I don't really care. Just say the line so that my beloved Celty can get on the stage soon."

"But I don't want a baby with black hair! I refuse."

"Look. You really need to say that line because Izaya isn't going to have brown hair and a facial structure like Seiji-kun."

"He's going to have a flea structure with flea hair!" a certain blond yelled from his restrained corner.

Shinra continued his persuading. "Besides, I believe the baby could have black hair because look at Seiji-kun's sister. She has black hair so the black-haired gene would be in the gene pool."

"Don't call my Seiji so familiarly like that," said sister muttered under her breath.

Mika paused at the new information. "Well, what about the fair skin? Seiji-kun has pretty tan skin."

"Anyone can be pale if they stay indoors enough."

"Red eyes?"

"Albinism."

"…I don't want my kid to be an albino! Isn't that unhealthy?"

"Not per se. It's just that they… need a bit of tweaking. There's medicine for it!"

But the girl was adamant. "I don't want a baby if doesn't look like Seiji-kun! Absolutely not."

"Wha – "

"Shinra-san, maybe you should just let it go. I mean, the story has to progress onwards," Mikado reasoned. _'So that we can get out of here faster.'_

Some people had resigned themselves to their fates, making coffee and snacks in the kitchen. Some started talking about everything and nothing (mainly the two actors. They were entirely too used to waiting around for their scenes). Having a conversation with two squealing Oriharas was definitely interesting.

"But how are we going to explain Izaya's birth?!" Shinra cried out in exasperation. "It's impossible if she doesn't make the wish."

'_It's already pretty hard to explain how 16 year olds can sire a 24 year old.' _Mikado thought to himself. "You could always say Izaya-san is adopted."

Immediately, the gushing fangirls giggled. "That's hilarious. Iza-nii being adopted. Isn't it hilarious, Kasuka-san, Ruri-san?"

"Funny…" Kurui echoed.

"Yes," both actors said in a flat tone.

The underground doctor brightened up immediately. "Ah! There was that route C! Everything makes sense now. Continue on. Just say whatever the hell you want, Mika-chan. Or you can just get off the stage, right now!"

"I want lots of babies with Seiji-kun! And that's a promise! Bye!" Mika dragged the stoic boy off the 'stage', asking him what he preferred better: coffee or tea.

"Continuing on with the story, thus Iz – I mean, Snow White was born. Er, no wait, adopted," Shinra pushed Izaya into the empty living room. The latter gave him a harsh glare, wobbling a bit on his matching purple heels.

"Hello, everyone! I am Snow White, because I have skin as white as snow! And also because my parents had no naming sense and were very much un-original. That being said, pale skin is mainly the effects of sitting indoors most of the time. So don't sit indoors every second of your life, everyone! That would be terribly boring to watch," the informant prattled on.

"Stalker!" came from a very familiar voice from the side.

"Monster!" the raven-haired man shouted back.

"Ahem. Right, getting back on topic. Snow White's mother, the Queen that wanted brown haired babies but got a vampire-like, shady as hell, stalker for a child, sadly passed away," Shinra paused dramatically. "Of tuberculosis. Because they didn't have cures like we do right now in the 21st century. So you should pay us doctors more. Mainly me. Especially if you are going to call me up at 3:57 in the morning to treat some dude you just shot! I'm looking at you, Shiki-san!"

'Shinra, we have enough money. And Shiki is an important client,' Celty intervened. 'Besides, as an underground doctor, it's kind of expected to be called on at odd times."

"You make the most logical points, my fairycakes!"

'Don't ever call me fairycakes. And please continue with the story so we can get out of here.'

"Yes!" the doctor grinned, happy to oblige to the simple request. "Now where were we? Ah yes. Shady Snow White's mom died and so, the King remarried."

"NO WAY! SEIJI-KUN WOULDN'T DO THAT!" Mika yelled from the left wing.

"You shut up! You're dead! And from my experience, dead people stay dead!" Shinra yelled back.

"NO WAY! Not until you take back what you said about Seiji-kun!"

"Ugh! You know what? Whatever! Shizuo's now the Queen of the land, okay? He usurped the King or something."

"Then wouldn't I be the King, instead of Queen?" the blond questioned, wondering for the first time why he was in a pink dress with a lopsided rusting crown shoved in his hair.

"Doesn't matter! And now, here's the Evil Queen!"

The older Heiwajima was pushed rather unceremoniously into the center, he himself tripping on the long hem of the dress.

"So ungraceful, Shizu-chan. Unfitting for a queen. I should be the queen," Izaya sneered.

"Shut the fuck up, flea!" The other tried to run towards the dark-haired but once again, stepped on the pink hem. Plus, it was pretty hard to run in high heels.

"You need to attend more etiquette lessons."

"Maybe I should have casted Izaya as the Evil Queen," Shinra murmured to himself. Then calling out, "Izaya, get off the stage. It's Shizuo's chance to shine!"

"Um, no. I rather like it here right now," the informant cheerily called back.

"I-ZA-YA!" With the dangerous battle cry, the blond threw his matching pink high heels with alarming accuracy. Somehow he had managed to get them loose.

The doctor thought he wouldn't be able to figure out the straps – wait, on second thought, the straps looked like they were ripped off. Yup, makes sense now.

"Well, then," the Shinjuku resident expertly dodged the stilettos (in both forms). "I think that's my cue to leave! Bye!"

With a wave, he turned tail and ran surprisingly fast out the door for a man wearing high heels for the first time (or maybe not. Who knows what he did in his free time?). Simon sighed and lumbered after them.

"And as demonstrated by this hateful chase, the Evil Queen hated Shady Snow White. And – "

"FLEA!"

"Er- not for that reason. Because Shady Snow White wasn't an actual flea but rather a cross dressing man in a purple dress," Shinra unnecessarily elaborated. "Anyways, the Evil Queen was hateful of Shady Snow White as she – er, he was always delicately picking flowers and talking to animals like a delusional patient. Maybe the original Snow White had schizophrenia?"

"We're never going to finish this are we?" Tom muttered, checking his watch. The three students of Raijin Academy all sighed in resigned agreement.

'Shinra, just continue with the story,' the dullahan cut through his spoken musings.

"Right, of course! After this, you'll be making your cameo!" Shinra nodded in understanding.

'_That's not really what I meant…'_

"This Evil Queen had the Magic Mirror that would answer any questions asked. And every day, this Queen would ask, 'Magic Mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in this land?' But for Celty's sake, since she can't fit in a hand mirror, we shall with the Disney version: 'Slave in the – '. Wait, Celty! Did you know this? That the Magic Mirro's a slave?!"

'Shinra….' The fairy quietly face-palmed her helmet.

"Well, my Celty's no slave! She's a free spirit! Or should I say fai – "

"We know. Celty's awesome. Just continue, Shinra," Tom prompted.

"Fine. And we're going with the Disney version: 'Not-slave in the Magic Mirror, come fartherst – what? Was all this stuff in there?" the doctor asked to no one in particular. "You know what? We're just going to go with 'Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?'"

'That would be my cue, yes?' the dullahan showed her screen around for conformation.

"Yes," Ruri nodded.

The black clothed rider stepped into the large space, directly behind an empty mirror frame.

"Where's Shizuo?" Shinra asked around in panic. "He should be on the stage!"

"I think he's still chasing Iza – oh never mind. Simon's bringing him over," the dreadlocked man jabbed a finger over his shoulder towards the doorway. The dark skinned Russian was, once again, holding the Shizuo and Izaya apart from his huge hands. The scene looked very much like a father stopping a cat fight of his two princesses, albeit the cat fight would result in much larger skilled injuries.

"What? Is it my cue?" the blond looked around puzzled.

"Yes, brother," Kasuka replied, tilting his head to indicate that the blond should step onto the 'stage'.

"Oh, sorry." Shizuo was placed right in the middle. He adjusted his dress so that it was less messy. "What were the lines, again?"

"We have no lines! It's all improv!" Shinra informed his cheerfully.

"Ok?" the blond cautiously made his way over to where Celty stood behind an empty mirror frame, her neck and shadows in full view. He leaned in to whisper, "What am I supposed to say?"

The fairy's shadows turned into a question mark and she shrugged. 'I think 'Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?'

"Er," the monster of Ikebukuro awkwardly cleared his throat, squinting to read the screen. "Mirror, Mirror on the – the wall, who is the – what is that word? I can't see clea – Oh! Who is the fairest of them all?"

It seemed he hadn't inherited his brother's talent for acting.

'Famed is thy beauty, Majesty. But hold, a lovely maid I see. Rags cannot hide her gentle grace. Alas, she is more fair than thee.'

"Erm, how are you supposed to say this? Since you – " he gestured to her neck helplessly.

'Maybe you can read it?'

Shizuo glanced towards the others and scowled at the sight of Izaya prancing around in his dress. Then he focused on Shinra gesturing wildly – he was either telling him to go ahead or he desperately needed a check on hand seizures.

"Uh, she says 'Famed is thy beauty, Ma – Majesty. But hold, a – you know what? She says that it's not me but the fucking flea. So I get to kill him right?" he ominously cracked his knuckles.

Celty hurried to type. 'Not yet, Shizuo!'

She had to drag him with her shadows towards the left wing as he headed towards the informant.

"And so, the Evil Queen found out about Shady Snow White's – "

'_Does Shinra even realize that he's been calling Snow White 'Shady Snow White'? But then again, it _is_ Izaya…,' _Tom thought to himself.

" – beauty. And she – er he became overridden with hate and jealousy. But mostly hate. Because a guy getting jealous of a guy is kind of gay… not that I have anything against that," the bespectacled man raised his hands in defense.

"I get to kill the flea, right?" The man turned to Celty for confirmation yet again.

"No, no, Shizu-chan. Not yet. You have to patient. You're going to get some dirty lackey to do your work," Izaya called out from the other end.

"I can just punch him right now!" Shizuo gestured wildly.

"Nii-san, that's not very polite," Kasuka reminded. Though it wasn't like _Izaya Orihara _needed politeness.

"The Evil Queen decided to get her faithful – though you'll see that he wasn't_ that _faithful – Huntsman – wait, Celty!" the self-appointed director waved like a maniac to the dullahan. "Did you know this? The Huntsman has a name! It wasn't just 'Huntsman' but he's actually named Humbert! Not a very good name but still, a _name_!"

Mikado winced. "Shinra-san, please."

"Humbert really is a shitty name," Kida thought out loud. "Imagine if there was a girl dating a guy name Humbert. That's like… social suicide."

"Kida-kun…" Anri said, almost scolding.

"Right, right. The Huntsman agreed to the Evil Queen's request, saying that he would kill Shady Snow White, no matter how pretty she – he was and – "

"Shin-ra! Violence bad! I no kill no one," Simon objected. "Shi-zu-o and I-za-ya no fight. Everyone pretty."

"Simon, if this was a beauty pageant, you would be a loser. Because that is something a loser says. And we both know I rock a dress better than Shizu-chan," Izaya paused in his fight with the blond to berate the Russian.

"Flea, I'm going to fucking kill you!"

"Shizu-chan, I know the truth hurts. I mean, pink simply isn't your color. Maybe if you went for a baby blue…"

"No, no. That would be like he's back in high school. And cross-dressing," Shinra interjected.

The informant nodded sagely with that.

"Shinra," Shizuo growled.

"Okay, okay. Jeez, you'd look good in a blue!" the bespectacled man quickly corrected.

"That's not what I meant," his friend snapped.

"Then… pink is your color? Please don't say you want a yellow dress. Blond hair and yellow ball gown simply does not match, trust me."

"I am going to – " He's stopped by a large hand on his shoulder.

"Shi-zu-o, no fight. Calm."

"And so after the Huntsman calmed the Evil Queen down, he went out to search for Shady Snow White, who was found picking flowers evilly."

"Shinra-san, that doesn't even make sense. How can you pick flowers evilly?" Mikado asked, trying to be as polite as possible, despite the fact that the doctor was really fucking weird.

Kida leaned over to whisper, "Dude, it's _Izaya_. He probably sleeps evilly."

"I – it could be his intention," Anri offered as explanation.

The Orihara twins nodded along, though to what exactly was unclear. "It is Iza-nii, after all."

"Mikado-kun, you are still young. When you experience the world and see all the bloodshed, you will understand how one can truly master the art of picking flowers evilly," Shinra said with the air of wisdom.

"I don't really think that's how it works…."

"Mikado, leave him be. Obviously, he just doesn't have any taste in how to pick flowers. Everyone knows you should do it with sparkles," Kida nodded to himself, confirming the importance of picking flowers while sparkling. "Besides, he can't make those big decisions anyway, since he _obviously_ picked the wrong person for the Prince."

Never mind that said person was a professional 5 star actor. Really, Kida should be more thankful. After all, the Prince was going to have to kiss Shady Snow White.

"Shady Snow White was stopped in her evil misdeeds of picking flowers – "

"I'm beginning to suspect that 'picking flowers' means something else totally different," Tom muttered to himself.

" – by Humbert the Huntsman. Or in this case, Simon the Huntsman. Huh, doesn't that sound a bit weird? Kind of like 'Salmon the Huntsman'. Get it? 'Cause Simon sells sushi and that has salmon?" Shinra paused. "But 'Salmon the Huntsman' would be an oxymoron because salmons don't really hunt but rather are the hunted…."

'Shinra…'

"Ah, sorry. I suppose that doesn't work out in Japanese."

'_That doesn't make sense at all because we are in Japan… and we are already speaking Japanese…'_ Mikado mused.

"And so, Salmon the Huntsman stopped the flower picking of Shady Snow White. He said," Shinra abruptly stopped. He made some hand gestures to the Russian.

Simon was puzzled. That gesture either meant 'hurry up' or 'hurry up and kill them'. And really, both meant the same thing. So he did what he did best.

He stepped out into the space, carrying Izaya and Shizuo to stop them from fighting.

"Eat sushi! No violence. Fighting bad. Sushi good!" he raised both his hand (and the men he held) triumphantly.

"Right. Thanks. Salmon the Huntsman made his speech and then proceeded to shower Shady Snow White with sushi, trying to smother her – him with cold salmon and rice. And wasabi. Because no matter how… strong it is, you can't eat sushi without it," the doctor sternly dictated, a true Japanese at heart.

Tom wondered if he should intervened on these rants. But then they've come so far without doing anything so… the rest of the cast didn't seem to mind, doing their own thing. Ruri and Kasuka had busted out some playing cards and Namie had joined them, watching her brother a few feet away.

He shivered.

Never play poker with any of them. Their expressionless-ness was enough to make a professional poker player doubt his own poker face.

"That's why I eat always sushi with wasabi, even though it burns my tongue and I hate spicy, bitter, strong tasting food. I usually end up drin – "

"Shinra, while your perils of eating sushi is very fascinating, I think we are short of time and would rather get this ordeal over with," the redhead drawled.

"Of course! Sorry, sorry. Where was I? Oh yes!" he cleared his throat unnecessarily. "However, Shady Snow White was really smart. That's why she's called Shady Snow White."

"Uh, I thought she was famed for her beauty?" Kida inquired.

"Oh, please. Just beauty would make me a useless airhead. I have to be smart too, of course. Besides, I'm not the dumb blond. Shizu-chan is," Izaya sniffed, turning his nose like he was really a snobbish princess. No wonder the Evil Queen couldn't stand him.

"Smart in all the wrong ways, I'll bet. That's why we call you Shady Snow White," Namie muttered under her breath.

"Namie," the informant sneered. "You can't be smart in a 'wrong way'. You can only be dumb or smart."

"Only?" the woman arched her brow in disbelief. It wasn't like him to say 'only' this and that. He usually said something about the lot in between.

The dark-haired man waved a hand flippantly. "And then there's the averages. Now if you'll excuse me, I think it's my cue run off into the forest like a damsel in distress."

He flounced off in the general direction of stage left.

"There's no cues here!" Namie shouted after him, wishing with all her heart that the bastard would trip on his hems or twist an ankle on those ridiculous heels (they were higher than hers. Hers was 4 inch heels, his was 5.5 or so they say. It was really more like a 6).

Izaya only threw a smirk over his shoulder. "Exactly."

"You know, I haven't actually gotten to that part yet!" Shinra disgruntly tried to call the other man back.

He only got a wave and a sneer. The bespectacled man turned back to the others, the would be audience.

"Royal flush," Ruri laid down her cards.

"As Shady Snow White stepped into the forest, the apparently magical trees started pelting her with apples – "

'Shinra! That's not even in the story! You have the wrong fairytale.' Celty stopped him before he could go on another path.

"Oh really?! Oops. Though you know, I have the right fairy to – "

The doctor was smacked in the face with a helmet.

"Ow. Well, since Shady Snow White was being stubborn and refused to die from apples being thrown – they needed to be poisonous - let's just skip to the whole part about the heart-ripping-out and the boar – was it a boar? Or a wild pig?"

"Shinra-san, they're the same thing," Kasuka spoke up for the first time since the play started.

"Ah, I suppose. I thought they were different but – look! This website says they're really not! And it has '.edu'!" the doctor enthusiastically shoved his phone at whoever was willing to look.

"That's nice. Now get back to the story," Tom snapped. Then after a beat, "Please."

"Simon ripped out the heart of the boar-slash-wild-pig-they're-the-same-thing and brought it back to the Evil Queen. Of course, the Evil Queen didn't bother to eat the damn thing, not even it if it was cooked to a 'well done' because, first, he only likes sweet things and now, I've never eaten a heart before, but I'll bet Shady Snow White's heart will taste pretty bad, if her evil flower pickings are anything to go by."

'Shinra… that's not even in the story…' Celty gave an exasperated sigh.

"Second, who the hell eats a _heart_? That is just gross. Those Scandinavian countries are just plain weird. Hearts, blood and organs are supposed to stay in the body, not outside. And if they were outside, they should be on a surgical plate, ready to be dissected and studied!"

"Are you serious? That is what you're hassled about?" Kida muttered disbelievingly.

After a few minutes of ranting, Shinra seemed to finally remember his original intent. "But my point is the Evil Queen didn't eat Shady Snow White's – wait no, the boar's, I meant the boar's. Have I been saying 'Shady Snow White's heart' all this time?"

'_Because that's what we paid attention to after you gave us the lecture against eating offal and tips on how to dissect a heart.' _Anri silently thought to herself.

The doctor took the silence as confirmation. "I have? Seriously? Ah well, never mind I suppose. We all know Shady Snow White's to go die sooner or later – "

"It's going to be much later if you don't get a move on," Tom quipped, distractedly going through his phone's messages.

" – but come back later in life. Which is technically not possible because then we'd have the extras of the Walking Dead everywhere but hey, fairytales!"

Says the guy whose love of his life is literally a fairy.

"After that little feint, the Evil Queen decided that Shady Snow White was really dead. However, Shady Snow White had ran away to a little cottage in the middle of the forest. There he picked the lock and barged into the home, intent on getting some shut eye. After all, even the best – or the shadiest in this case – needs to sleep to fully function."

"I'll have you know, I can function perfectly without sleep," Izaya challenged.

"Iza-nii, you're still pulling all nighters?" Mairu sighed.

"Sleep," Kurui advised her brother.

"Sleep is good," Anri muttered. "Dreams are good too."

"Mm," Shinra said patronizingly. "Because our brains won't die out after, say, a week or so of sleep deprivation."

The informant opened his mouth to argue, striding very menacingly in his about 6 inch heels.

The doctor didn't allow him space to counter, already continuing with his ridiculous narration.

"And so, when the dwarves – where are my dwarves? Whoa, Tom, I think you're a little bit too tall to be a dwarf, though your dreadlocks are a nice touch but maybe a little beard would be ni – "

He completely ignored the "You were the one who casted us, bastard. And my dreadlocks are _not_ a costume."

"The dwarves, Dreadlocks, Average, Flirtatious, Glasses, Actress, Thing 1 and Thing 2, came back from – eh, I forgot. Whatever the hell the do when they go out. And so when they found Shady Snow White in his purple dress, 5.5 inch heeled glory, snoring away on their beds."

A shriek accompanied the fuming figure that was previously lying on the floor. "I don't snore!"

"Dreadlocks, being the oldest and most rational, he decided that Shady Snow White was to be thrown out to the wolves. After all, he reasoned, those heels could be used as weapons and if you let yourself get eaten without a fight, even though the stilettos were right _there_, then you're a dumbass."

"Wow, Tom, you see a helpless pretty lady and the first thing you do is kick her out? No wonder you can't get a girl," Izaya sneered. "Not that the giant mutt-monster hanging around you is any help."

Said 'giant mutt-monster' growled and tried to leap out onto the 'stage'.

'You're neither a lady or helpless. Besides, you'd trust someone whose name literally has 'Shady' in it?" the redhead reasoned.

"See? This is the sort of stuff that I'm talking about! Shinra whooped. "Dreadlocks is rational!"

"Ah, um, Shinra-san. You do know that the dwarves are supposed to let Snow – "

"_Shady _Snow White," Ruri muttered from her spot, as if she was a stagehand.

"Eh? Um, Shady Snow White," it came out more as a question from Mikado, "stays at the cottage, right?"

"She does?!" the bespectacled man exclaimed in surprise. "Why? Why would you let a _stranger_, not to mention someone who just broke into your home, stay? Doesn't make sense! What is with this story?!"

"Wasn't it because Snow White was really pretty and she sang and dance a whole lot with the dwarves?" Kida mused.

"I think so," Anri conceded.

"I'm not dancing and singing with you people," Izaya interjected.

"This is utter bullshit," Shinra groaned. "Whatever. Shady Snow White lives with the dwarves now because – uh, oh! She blackmailed them into letting her live there free of charge."

"I don't _blackmail _people," the informant protested. "Oh wait, I do. But I'm nicer than that."

"Iza-nii, please. You've blackmailed us since we were born," Mairu rolled her eyes.

The older Orihara ignored the almost simultaneous snorts from the rest.

"I'm probably giving information on… what was it that you guys do again?"

"Um…." The dwarves looked around at each other. What did Shinra say their jobs were?

"To quote Shinra-san, it would be 'whatever the hell you do when you go out'," Ruri supplied.

'_Yeah, but whatever the hell do we do when we go out?' _Mikado thought to himself.

He laughed nervously. "I don't really think the jobs matter right now. What matters is that um, Iz – I mean, Shady Snow White is living is with us, right?"

Ryugamine didn't sound very happy about that.

"Ew," his blond friend wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Ah, I suppose!" Shinra took the lead again. "Shady Snow White lived with the Seven Dwarves, terrorizing all of them from time to time. However, when the Evil Queen asked the Magic Mirror again – Celty, my fairycakes! You get to appear again!"

Celty merely sighed at the doctor's antics.

"Isn't this wonderful? You know, the whole story should really about the Evil Queen asking about Shady Snow White. That way, Celty can appear a hell lot more. And it gets the main point of the story across!"

"No, not really," Tom contradicted.

"I mean the whole story is about the Evil Queen being vain and Shady Snow White being… well, whatever the hell she-he was supposed to be. Sure as hell wasn't shady like this." Here he waved towards the lithe figure in the purple dress, as if it explained everything.

"Well, that is just rude," the informant sniffed, _finally _offended like they weren't calling him 'Shady Snow White' for the whole time.

Simon snorted at that. "I-za-ya, call shady like."

"Simon, let me go so I can kill the flea's ass."

"Hmm. Wonder how you're going to 'kill' my ass, Shizu-chan," the dark haired smirked.

At the implication, there were various reactions. Some choked on their own spit, while other burst out laughing. Some (like Namie) gagged and sneered at the informant's humor. And of course, the most impressive of them all was the slight blanch of Kasuka's.

"And so the Evil Queen asked the Magic Mirror who was the fairest of them all again."

Shizuo was forcibly pushed out to the 'stage'. He immediately started chasing Izaya. Said man flounced to the other side, laughing all the way.

The blond had to be dragged back to the center of the stage by Simon.

"And the Magic Mirror said – drumroll please!"

Silence issued.

"Celty? Your lines please!" Shinra waved wildly to Celty, who had already taken her place behind the mirror frame.

'…'

"Oh right, you can't exactly talk. Well, it matters not. The Magic Mirror said," the doctor cleared his throat dramatically. Then in a falsetto, he said, "My Queen, though you're a man so should really be 'King' but whatever, the fairest in the land is you. But, I also just totally lied because Shady Snow White is much prettier than you! Please don't kill me, I got blackmailed into saying that!"

'…you don't even know what I sound like, Shinra.'

Shizuo read out the words for Celty.

It was hard to tell whether the fairy was pissed or amused, especially when the older Heiwajima was doing the voice-over. And he sounded pissed all the time, especially when a certain Orihara was near.

"Imagination, Celty! That's – wait, now that I think about it, that's probably not what you'll sound like. I actually think you'll be more of a… sensuous, velvety, gentle voice. Like – "

"Shinra, get on with the damn story so that I can get to the part where I kill Izaya!" the blond beside the supernatural being snapped, looking ready to throttle someone.

"Yes ~" the underground doctor singsonged. "The Evil Queen found out Shady Snow White was still alive. The Huntsman had lied to him! Such a terrible crime! And so the Evil Queen vowed to never eat the Huntsman's sushi again."

A dramatic 'Noooo! Shi-zu-o no eat sushi?!' could be heard from backstage.

"Yeah! Shiz – I mean, Evil Queen no eat sushi from you anymore!" the bespectacled man enthusiastically replied. "And thus, with that vow, the Evil Queen called the – what did I say it was again? Poisoner?"

He looked around for help and only saw blank, confused faces.

"Poison… poison something. Ah, you know what, never mind. The Royal Poisoner was called."

"Is that supposed to be me?" Namie scowled at her title.

"Yes! You're the one with the poison!"

With a heavy sigh, the head of the former Yagiri Pharmacy stepped into the space.

"The Royal Poisoner served the Evil Queen as expected, supplying him with poison, of course! I don't know why the original Evil Queen needed spell books, even though poisons like hemlock was right _there_. And that would've been more effective than depending on some crappy spell that turns you into an old crone!

Shinra fumed, now on a roll. "I mean, they weren't that medically advanced back then. They didn't have antidotes – hell, _we _don't even have a cure for hemlock today – and it'll take the believe-in-true-love-and-everything-will-be-fine people at least 50 years to even _name_ a poison. The spell and the stupid cure of a 'true love's kiss' was practically setting up for failure! It's like building a self-destruct button on a machine that's supposed to last forever. Why would you do that?!"

"Since the story is set in Germany during the… 1800s? It would be safe to assume that they were still trying to advance into the medical ages. 'The New England Journal of Medicine' was founded in 1812 after all," Namie explained.

"Right, right. The Medieval Ages where they still believed in 'magic' and awful 'cures' weren't that far off. It 'ended' around the 1500s but really, there were still many who practiced the magic," the male doctor nodded in understanding. "It's possible that Snow White lived in the more remote areas where medical advancements haven't touched them yet."

'_Are… are they seriously bonding over medieval medical knowledge?' _Mikado wondered.

"So, the only thing I do is hand Heiwajima-san this bottle, yes?" the pharmacist held up a small phial with clear liquid.

Tom seriously hoped that was just water and not actual poison. Otherwise, they'd have to deal with a murder investigation and he really doesn't have time for that. He's swamped with work.

"Yep!"

Then exactly as a robot would move, Namie bluntly shoved the bottle into Shizuo's chest. "Here. Poison for the bastard."

"Ke," the man studied the small bottle. "I just have to shove it down the flea's throat right?"

"As long as it gets in his digestive system, it'll work fine. The poison will flush out of his body soon so that there'll be less suspicion. Just make sure to crush the phial and throw it away somewhere far from here and the suspicions won't be laid," the woman advised.

Shizuo nodded.

"You know, I can hear you people planning my murder!" Izaya called out from the wings. "I can't believe you'd do this, Namie."

He paused. "Wait, no, you tried to poison my tea a couple of times already… alright, that's believable. But you, Shizu-chan! Are you really going to stoop so low to resort to poison? I thought we were to slug it out like King Kong and Godzilla!"

"It's still slugging it out if I shove this down your throat by force. And I'll make sure you die of injuries. The poison is just insurance to make sure you really die," Shizuo sneered.

The informant let out a harsh laugh. "That's so sweet Shizu-chan. Looking out for little old me."

"How about we skip ahead to the scene where you die?" the blond scowled, shuffling forward in his dress.

"You heard the man!" Shinra eagerly declared. "The Evil Queen disguised himself as a… bartender? McDonald's employee? Argh – something that's not a crone. Maybe disguised as sunglasses?"

'Shinra, that's not even a disguise for a human.' Celty disappointedly type. Sometimes, she felt like she lived with a 5 year old instead of a 24 year old man.

"Well…," the doctor started.

"Shizu-chan's a monster anyway!" Izaya cut in, taking off his shoes. He brandished them like knives, which wasn't far off.

"I-ZA-YA!"

"The Evil Queen went to the dwarves' cottage and tried to sell Shady Snow White an appl – " he blinked as the two figures ran right in front of him, screaming insults at each other.

The taller had his hand raised, as if he was going to force the whole bottle of 'poison' (at least Shinra hoped it was just fake) into the other's throat, glass and all. The smaller had his stilettos in his hands, parrying every so often and coming dangerously close to shattering the raised bottle.

"Or not. The Queen could just try to force Shady Snow White to take the poison without disguising it as an apple," the doctor amusingly commented.

"You'll never catch me, Shizu-chan! Never! You'll never get that bottle down my throat."

Shinra scoffed at that. "Of course not, you would choke and cough it back up. Unless you want your throat to bleed and you can just cough up glass and blood until you die."

"I don't have to! As long as you're dead!"

"Should we stop them?" Mikado whispered to Kida.

"Eh? You want to get killed? I think it's better to just let them work it out," Kida carelessly replied.

"Maybe we should take cover?" Anri softly suggested.

"Where, though?" Tom raised his brow, impassively watching the chase. They were smack-dab in the middle of the stage. Props were minimum and they were easy targets with all spotlights on them.

"Brother," Kasuka sighed a long, heavy sigh.

"Don't worry, we can protect you from Iza-nii!" Mairu glared at her brother. Honestly, causing a ruckus in the presence of the famous actor.

"Seems lively," Ruri commented, though her voice was as flat as before.

"And so, Shady Snow White was poisoned and the dwarves laid him in a glass coffin." Shinra had to yell through a microphone so that his two friends would notice and momentarily stop.

"Brother, I think your part is done. Could you please stop chasing Orihara-san.? The show must go on after all," the younger Heiwajima tilted his head as if to say 'get off the stage before you kill someone'.

"Ah, if you say so," Shizuo blinked, moving towards the wings. He paused, turning around to narrow his eyes at the informant. "But we're not done yet, Izaya. I'll get you after the play ends."

"It's a date then, Shizu-chan!" the other man teased, waving enthusiastically.

The blond felt a vein pop but restrained himself for the sake of his brother.

"You know, I never really understood why they wanted her in a glass coffin. I mean, really? All she's going to do is decompose. Do you really want to see it every day as you go to work? Right after you ate breakfast?"

"Maybe they had embalming techniques," Namie suggested, though her tone was doubtful. "The Egyptians had mummification and they were years before."

"The question is: did that knowledge spread to Germany in the 1800s? Or were they still trying to stuff everyone with excrement because it had 'good qualities'?" Shinra countered. He did a double take at the prop being brought out. "Is that my – that's my surgical table, isn't it?"

A strange glint gleamed in his eyes. No one could tell for sure if he was excited or offended.

"Sorry, we only had that in hand for a 'glass coffin'," Mikado explained as he helped Tom wheel it out.

"Ah, alright," the underground doctor shrugged.

Izaya, on the other hand, was a bit more picky. He sniffed. "Is this even clean? Who know what kind of stuff has been on here. Why can't I have a couch?"

"Should dead people even be talking?" Ruri softly murmured to her boyfriend.

The resident of Shinjuku still heard it and turned, affronted. "I'll have you know, I am merely poisoned right now. Poison can be cured."

"Not if you're in the Medieval Ages," Kida muttered.

'Izaya, don't worry. We make sure to sterilize the table after every operation. Twice.' Celty tapped the man's shoulder and showed him here screen. 'And the couch is… in the storage, I think.'

"Ah, alright, alright. I guess a princess can't choose where she gets to sleep. I'll just pretend like it's 'The Princess and the Pea'."

"I-za-ya, pea? Princess who?" Simon questioned.

"No, Simon. I'm not a pea – " he ignored the snort and 'Yeah, you're the flea' from a certain monster "I'm the princess."

The informant clambered up onto the cold metal table, lying down and closing his eyes. "I swear if I get an infection…"

"And so, Shady Snow White was finally placed in the glass coffin. And of course, it was just by chance that the Prince came riding through the forest one day – not far from Shady Snow White's 'death' because otherwise, she'd be decomposing and smelling like the sewers – and fell in love with Shady Snow White," Shinra narrated.

Kasuka walked in and boldly declared. "Oh, my beautiful Princess, thy's name is Shady Snow White. Death should not have taken thee. Thy is far too delicate to have a poison bottle shoved down thy's throat and to pass away so suddenly."

"Wow, was this play supposed to be in Shakespearean?" the doctor questioned, consulting Google.

"No, I merely thought it would be fitting for the play's setting," Kasuka blankly stated. He cleared his throat. "Would the fair maiden allow me one kiss before I depart?"

"Dude, she's dead. That's necrophilia," Kida rudely interrupted.

The dark haired 'Prince' ignored the comment, leaning down towards Izaya.

Just before the lips touched, the infrormant leaped away and yelled, "Can't catch me, Shizu-chan! You'll have to do better than that if you want a kiss.'

"Izaya! What are you doing?!" Shinra all but screeched.

Kasuka straightened himself out.

"Oops. Wrong Heiwajima," the dark haired smirked. It was clear that he _did_ know which Heiwajima was about to kiss him. And so did everyone else.

It didn't stop Shizuo from going on a rage. "WRONG HEIWAJIMA?! _WRONG HEIWAJIMA_? What the hell do you mean by that?"

The Shinjuku resident merely raised a brow. They both knew very well what he meant by that. Hell, everyone knew. Even the potted plant in the corner.

"What part of _me_ is like _him_?" The blond jabbed a finger in his brother's direction, advancing towards Izaya.

"Now, now, Shizu-chan. If this is some jealously spat – "

"He's so much better! He has designer clothes – "

"Your bartender clothes are basically designer too, you know? Check the labels."

"- and much better hair and a loving girlfriend – "

"Well, I _was_ thinking that maybe you should stop dying your hair. And it's okay, Shizu-chan. A monster like you can't get a girlfriend anyway so why bother trying?"

" – and actually has money and eat properly – "

"You know, if you do realize that surviving on milk and ramen isn't the healthiest diet, maybe you should stop."

" – and let me repeat: What. Part. Of. Me. Is. Like. Him?"

Shinra coughed. "Genes, maybe?" He silenced under the glare of honey-colored eyes.

"Well, for the most part, your eye colors are the same and I bet if you actually picked up a brush and comb the bird nest you call hair, you guys can have the same hair," Izaya pointed out.

"Ah, excuse me, Shinra-san, it seems I have an urgent call from my manager. Ruri and I are to leave immediately," Kasuka spoke through the argument, gesturing to a text message.

"Eh? Really? Aw, alright. Thanks for stopping by though!"

The younger Heiwajima walked to the door with his girlfriend. He stopped to give his parting words, "Perhaps brother can play the Prince, since I am gone. I have not fulfilled my part yet, after all."

"Ah, hear that, Shizu-chan. Maybe now's your chance to actually kiss someone," Izaya sneered. "Don't worry, I don't have my lips coated with poison."

"Who the hell wants to kiss _you_?!" Shizuo grabbed the other by his dress.

"Well, your brother apparently. I mean, he was quite willing to play the Prince."

"Because he's an _actor_."

"Maybe we should stop the fighting? Before Kasuka-san's reputation is ruined and someone gets killed?" Mikado glanced at everyone in the room, hoping someone will take action. Though he can't really blame them for not wanting to.

"Yeah! Don't diss on Kasuka-san's reputation!" Mairu glared. Her twin took a defiant stance beside her.

"And hey, maybe you secretly want to kiss me too. After all, you were quick to grab me. Am I really that desirable for you Heiwajimas?"

"Fucking flea!" Shizuo lifted the man off the ground before throwing him across the room.

'_Ah, I knew it. We're going to need a new apartment,'_ Celty thought to herself.

Izaya, of course, executed a perfect backflip and landing square on his feet. "You'll have to catch me before I'll kiss you, Shizu-chan!"

He ran off the stage, still in the dress. Shizuo gave chase, paying no mind to his attire as well.

The rest of the cast watched on as they left.

"Hey, Shizuo is chasing Izaya," Shinra stated. "Does that mean that he wants that kiss?"

A moment of silence passed as they all contemplated the thought.

'Shinra…' Celty blanched at the thought of Shizuo and Izaya together. Maybe that weird girl Kadota hangs out with was influencing him somehow?

Then the underground doctor groaned. "Those dresses were rented!"

* * *

_Happy (Late because when am I ever on time?) Valentine! _

_So, uh, hope it wasn't too OOC. Some people just sort of popped out of existence at times and then came back in. It's extremely hard to balance all the characters though, especially when you're not doing a play but not the script type. And yeah, I'm just kind of out of it right now. English project fucked me over. _

_This was originally supposed to be finished by Jan 28, Shizuo's birthday (super late but happy birthday, Zuo!). That's why it's got more humor, rather than more lovely dovey stuff like a Valentine fic._ _But I didn't make it - it was supposed to be pretty short but I just kept writing and it was like word vomit. Blegh. Everywhere._

_Thanks for reading! Always appreciate feedback! _


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